


Life in the Freezer

by Persiflage



Category: Holby City
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon Schmanon, Cheerfully Ignoring Any and All Canon as the Lord Intended, Episode Tag, F/F, Kissing, Talking, communication is key
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-11
Updated: 2020-02-11
Packaged: 2021-02-27 19:09:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,330
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22660780
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Persiflage/pseuds/Persiflage
Summary: Canon divergent episode tag for 'Life in the Freezer' because I refuse to accept canon.
Relationships: Serena Campbell/Bernie Wolfe
Comments: 18
Kudos: 92





	Life in the Freezer

**Author's Note:**

> Personally, I thought Serena NOT going after Bernie at the end of Holby City's 18th season was WAY more out of character than anything! I may not've watched all her episodes, but I do know she's a woman who doesn' t give up without a fight, so if Serena seems OOC here, blame canon, not me!

Serena eventually pulls herself together after Bernie’s departure, after chasing her and begging her not to leave, and although she feels humiliated, she also feels angry enough to drive over to Bernie’s to see her. Because she’s damned if she’ll let the woman she’s falling ( _fallen_ ) in love with dismiss her feelings out of hand.

She makes her way to Bernie’s flat and knocks on the door. After a long enough pause to make her wonder whether Bernie’s already left ( _There hasn’t been time_ , her brain insists), the door opens. Bernie’s changed into a pair of AAU blue scrub bottoms and her Holby hoodie, and her hair’s damp enough to suggest she’s not long out of the shower.

“Serena?” 

“Can I come in?” Serena asks politely, but giving her a look that lets her know she’d better not refuse. 

Bernie steps back wordlessly, then closes the door behind Serena as she moves down the hallway. 

“Why did you come?” Bernie asks, arms wrapped around herself.

“Because we need to talk,” Serena says firmly. 

“You’d better have a seat.” She gestures at the sofa, then asks, “Coffee?”

“Yes please.”

Bernie nods and disappears for a few minutes during which Serena finds herself doing some deep breathing to keep herself calm – she’s determined to avoid any further emotional displays today.

Bernie returns carrying two mugs and holds one out. “Strong and hot,” she says, with a ghost of a smile. 

“Just as I like it,” Serena says, and gives her a half smile back before accepting the mug, noting that Bernie has held the mug out with the handle towards her, presumably so that their fingers won’t touch. “Thank you.”

Bernie sits at the other end of the sofa, curling her legs underneath her, and Serena feels relieved that she hasn’t chosen to sit in the armchair.

“You told me I needed time and space to decide what I want. You were wrong. I know what I want. I want you. I want us.” She takes a sip of coffee, then adds, “Some part of me has wanted you from the first day we met. There you were, messy blonde hair, soft pink coat, long legs encased in skinny jeans, with an unlit fag dangling from the corner of your mouth, asking me if my engine had been growling or whining, and I thought ‘Hello you’. I wanted to get to know you, and that’s never gone away. I don’t think I could ever stop wanting to get to know you better.” 

Bernie’s watching her through that messy fringe, peering over the top of the coffee mug she’s holding to her mouth, but not yet drinking from, and Serena feels heartened by the fact that she hasn’t interrupted her so far.

“I might not have kissed a girl at a party in Stepney, and I might not have been more than friends with a woman before, but that doesn’t mean I don’t know my own mind. And my mind is made up. I want you. I want us.”

Bernie takes a long swallow of her coffee and Serena can’t help watching intently, can’t help remembering how that mouth had felt on hers this morning, and before. 

“I don’t want to hurt you, Serena,” Bernie says eventually, voice soft and low.

“Good. So, don’t,” Serena says briskly.

“It’s not that simple.”

“I don’t see why not. I want you. And if the way you kiss me is any indication, you want me, too, so let’s see where that takes us.”

“I’m rubbish at relationships,” Bernie counters.

Serena snorts, and Bernie looks startled. “As far as I know, you’ve been in precisely two relationships in your adult life. One, a marriage to a man – which was doomed to failure, given you’re gay, and the other, a clandestine and very much forbidden relationship with a woman who was your subordinate – so hardly guaranteed to succeed either. Have there been any more?”

Bernie shakes her head, eyes wide. 

“Well then, perhaps it’s time to try with a contemporary who is your equal and a bisexual woman? Who knows, maybe this time it’ll stick.”

“I’m scared,” Bernie whispers.

Serena puts her mug down on the coffee table, a small part of her surprised that Bernie even owns one, then reaches out and clasps her wrist lightly. “And you think I’m not?” she asks gently. 

Bernie shrugs. “I don’t want to hurt you,” she repeats.

“Well, it will hurt me if you go running off to Ukraine.” Bernie opens her mouth, and Serena shakes her head. “I know, you’ve accepted the secondment. And I imagine that Hanssen wouldn’t be very likely to agree to you remaining here after all. So, go to Ukraine, but call me, email me, text me, Skype me – whichever works for you – and we’ll talk. You can tell me about life at the trauma unit, and I can tell you about life on AAU. And when you get back, we’ll try a few dates, and see how things go. Deal?”

After a period of silent contemplation, Bernie nods. “Deal,” she says, and holds out her hand. Serena takes it, enjoying the sensation of warmth emanating from Bernie’s skin where she’s been holding her coffee mug. She also enjoys the way those long, talented fingers curl around her own, and unbidden she finds herself wondering what other skills, besides surgical ones, they possess.

Bernie sets aside her coffee mug, then gives a slight tug on Serena’s hand, so she leans forward, and sighs when Bernie meets her and her lips land on Serena’s. There’s nothing tentative about the kiss, which is a relief, and when Bernie wraps a hand around the back of her neck and draws her closer, Serena happily moves forward, sliding her own hands into Bernie’s hair. She enjoys the silky softness of her tousled locks, and tangles her fingers into them as Bernie deepens the kiss. She thinks she’d like nothing better than to continue kissing the other woman forever, but eventually the compelling need to breathe means they have to pull apart.

“Dinner?” Bernie murmurs, their foreheads pressed together, their breath intermingling.

“Yes,” Serena agrees even as her stomach growls, making Bernie chuckle quietly.

They pull themselves up off the sofa, gather their mugs, and move into the kitchen, shoulders and elbows brushing, and fingers tangling together. 

Serena doesn’t doubt that this isn’t the end of Bernie’s doubts or insecurities, but she hopes that the two of them can overcome those doubts and insecurities together, and that when Bernie returns from her secondment, they can do more than kiss.

As they set about making dinner together, Bernie asks, “Did you mean it? Before. About visiting me while I’m away?”

“Yes,” Serena says firmly. “If that’s what you want.”

“I think I’d like that a lot.”

“Good.” 

A little while later, when Serena’s stirring the pasta sauce she whipped together, Bernie steps up behind her and wraps her arms around Serena’s torso. She brushes her lips lightly against Serena’s cheek, then says quietly, “Thank you for coming after me tonight.”

“I wasn’t going to give you up without a fight,” she says simply.

“You’re braver than me.”

Serena huffs out a laugh. “I’m not that brave. Just stubborn and determined.”

“That’ll do,” Bernie says.

“For now,” Serena says, “but we’re going to be brave together going forwards. Okay?”

“Okay.” Bernie’s voice is soft, but Serena doesn’t detect any hint of doubt in it, and that’s enough for the time being. 

“You’re going to have to let go of me,” she says. “So we can eat.”

Bernie tightens her hold for a few moments, then steps away, and Serena immediately misses the warmth at her back. 

They serve up dinner, then settle at the kitchen table, which is absurdly small, however they manage to fit themselves around it. They don’t talk much while they eat, but to Serena the silence feels companionable, rather than fraught, and that is quite sufficient for now.


End file.
